Are they twins? It sounds like an innocent enough question, and it really is. Mothers of “real” twins probably get asked that all the time too. The question lies in how do I answer it? We hear this 3-4 times a day depending on where we are. No big deal- you think, if they are strangers just say, “yes.”
The girls are starting to get older. They are not twins. It would be like sticking 2 blonde first graders together and calling them twins. They are different biologically, and they have different life experiences. I imagine as they grow they will gravitate towards being “real” twins as they experience life together. However, all of the information about biological twins says you should encourage individuality
I thought it was unusual to have children so close together. I am finding that it is not so unusual. In the adoption world, it happens frequently. There are groups called Chinese-American Twins, Virtual Twins, and Like- Twins. Parents are turning to each other for support as they would with any other twin birth. These groups include various types of twins including twins through adoption (with both children being adopted- like us, or with one biological child and one adopted) and twins that happen with blended families. Some groups limit membership to families with children born within a year of each other. Other groups restrict membership to families with children that are 9 months or less apart. Our girls are very close by any standard. On the internet, I have only learned of two other families with children closer from China Guatemala Guatemala
Some people have always wanted twins and set out to adopt 2 children the same age. Some countries allow you to adopt more than once child at once, so families decide to get children close in age. Some people remarry and end up with virtual twins by coincidence.
In our case, we did not specifically set out to adopt a child close in age to Kelsey. When we decided that we wanted to adopt again, we didn’t want to wait. We didn’t care about the age of our new child, but we knew we didn’t want to wait until Kelsey was 4 years old and THEN start over with an infant. (LOL… we are getting older here…)
I discovered Rachel’s picture and information on the internet on night in September. I was convinced that this was our daughter. (I woke up Chuck and called Beth because I just knew.) The pictures of Rachel were taken when she was 10 ½ months old. Kelsey was 18 months old at the time. It was not until we reviewed her information in more detail that we discovered that she was really Kelsey’s age. They are 30 days apart! Too late- we were in love and already knew in our hearts that she was our daughter.
By the way… a side note….March 27- April 26th is 30 days. Yes, count them. Someone told me that they were 29 days, but if you count (due to March having 31 days) they are 30 days apart. So… Kelsey was born March 27th (don’t count that- start with the 28th….) 28 (1 day apart), 29 (2 days ), 30 (4 days), 31 (5 days), 1 (6 days), …….keep going…. April 25th (29 days)… April 26th--- 30 days apart . Kelsey was 30 days old on April 26th when Rachel was born. Ok, I know that was off on a tangent, but I have been told that it is 29 days by three different people since Rachel came home. J
Back to my Are They Twins ramblings…. Sometimes the twins are not as obvious. My girls are the same size, same age, and are both Chinese, so they really look like twins. Other families might have the children that look the same, but are different heights, so people don’t ask as often. Or they might be close in age, but due to when their birthdays fall, they might be in different grades in school. We get a lot of questions because our girls appear so alike. But even people whose children look differently get questions. Even if one child is biological and once child is Chinese, parents get asked if they are twins or worse yet… if they are babysitting. All of these are innocent questions. But they get tiresome when they are asked too often.
So the debate rages on….
- Is it easier to just say that they are twins? (I wonder about this because people in certain circles, look down on this. They seem to think… oh, look at her, she didn’t get twins, so she created her own. Well… that isn’t how it happened in our case.)
- Which term should we use? Like-twins, Near Twins, Virtual Twins- or the one I don’t like Artificial Twins. (Duh, the girls are fake?)
What am I doing now?
- LOL… I am rambling about twins on this webpage. LOL…. Kidding…
- I do belong to online support groups. Twin groups don’t acknowledge this kind of twin. I do understand why. BUT we face the same issue as “real twins” – sharing, sibling rivalry, encouraging independence form each other, different developments, which clothes and stroller to buy, and schooling issues. (Although, schooling is a not an issue with us. I can tell you that our girls will be in SEPARATE classrooms.)
- Right now, I just smile and say, “They are 30 days apart.” … and let the person who is asking figure it out. It solves the problem for now.
- And the major debate……. If I buy 1 cute outfit, shouldn’t I buy 2? I can try to get it in different colors. But I can’t favor one child when a cute outfit comes along. I must buy 2!!!! Thus… yes they do dress alike or similar… yes I know it only fuels the twin debate. I never thought I would dress them alike. But we must be fair when it comes to clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! J
